we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
