Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
