you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
