after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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