The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
