didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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