my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
