So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
