so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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