my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
