Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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