I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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