I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
