you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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