Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Holy sore nipples Batman
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
