I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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