How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
