You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
