Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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