marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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