Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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