so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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