Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
