she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize