this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
