Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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