Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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