you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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