Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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