Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
