whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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