hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
