p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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