there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
