Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
