I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
