there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
