Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
