if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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