You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize