I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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