We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
