I hate your face
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just found puke in my bra..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
