every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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