Kiss
Puke
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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