I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
