dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
