Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
