I never want to see another naked old woman again.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
