you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
