guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
