Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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