I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
