You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
