yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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