I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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