I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
