Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
