thus making me awesome and them whores
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we're making bets on your personal life
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize