how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
