I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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