I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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