i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
