I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Please don't give away my fajitas
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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