I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
