Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
