Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
