I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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