I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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