If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My dick has a subreddit
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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