Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
