Sacagawea was the original milf.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
