lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
