Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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