Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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