I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
