I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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