If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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