i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
a search helicopter?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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