I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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